Lovely.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/
I've always wanted to have Borderline Personality Disorder.
This is the reason that BYU therapy services are telling me I'm beyond their help. Based on questions they asked, and my evaluation of my life and things that are happening they have unofficially diagnosed me with BPD. And recommend that I come take a psychiatric evaluation to get a legitimate diagnosis.
Which leads me to the question, will I actually ever find someone who understands?
Why couldn't I be born normal, and have a normal life. and a normal family and see the world in a normal fashion, and learn about friendships in the normal way?
I cannot adequately express the pain I feel at being so broken and alone in my views of life. And how disconnected I am from the rest of the world.
I am going to combine this post with the other post I was writing.
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Dealing with people who have mental disabilities is a whole other ballpark for people who don't have them.
And while the idea that they have a disability shouldn't be used as an excuse for behavior, its more just a statement that they are going to see the world differently than you are. They are going to interpret things differently than you are.
Telling them they're wrong for interpreting things the way the are causes pain to them. Especially if they're suffering from lack of acceptance.
Pretend for the sake of things, that you see the world as blue. Everything is blue. And for the sake of argument, whether you believe the mental distress phenomenon or not, that you come across someone who sees the world in Red.
You can tell them over and over that the world is blue, and they won't understand it. In fact, it'll confuse them. And if you tell them they're wrong for seeing the world as red. And you can spend all this time trying to convince them that their world is not red. And still later, because they still perceive blue as their world, you get mad because you've spent all this time trying to help them 'fit in' and 'be normal' and 'be like you' and 'see the way you are right' BUT IT STILL DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE STILL SEEING THE COLOR RED! IT DOESN'T CHANGE HOW THEY FEEL! Just because you see the solution doesn't mean that they do.
and if they come to you and say, "i wish you could see how I see." "I see this and it makes me sad" or "i see this and i feel this." and you respond with, "well, I've tried all this time to show you the world is actually blue, if you would JUST LISTEN TO ME YOU'D SEE THIS!" Confuses them even more, because they are alone in seeing the world as green, and as they tried to gain some understanding....
The only way said red people can 'fit in' according to some, is to pretend like they see the world in blue. Which confuses them. In fact it causes pain. Cause they pretend that their perceptions aren't real, or aren't valid. Just to make other people feel better about the situation. Which leads to alot more damage than anything else.
Now. It might be possible for said red people to understand the blue world. and make connections. Or even go through surgery and therapy or medications that alter the perception. And that takes time. But regardless, The point remains the same.
Are you ready?
DO NOT TRY THE SAME METHODS TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO IS DIFFERENT THAT YOU WOULD USE ON SOMEONE WHO IS THE SAME!
And if you do: DO NOT GET MAD WHEN YOU DON'T GET THE DESIRED REACTION
Geez. More than once I have people say: We do this for you and this for you.
Recently I was told:
BUT BY EXPRESSING THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH THE RESULTS OF YOUR ATTEMPTS TO HELP VIA *YOUR* METHODS... Repeat, *YOUR METHODS* you make the other person feel guilty about feeling anything in the first place. Which just complicates the issue.
Many people have, intentionally or not, made me feel guilty for feeling anything that I feel. Which makes me feel less and less accepted.
More and more people should be saying: "Why do you feel this way, what's the core issue, how can we help in the way you need" rather than "Lets cover everything up with nice things we do for you, and then because we do this, you can pretend like everything is all better. "
IT DOESN'T WORK.
Listen. To everyone who has helped me out there, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for providing food and support and being around me and giving me things and paying for things and hugging and whatever.
I THANK YOU AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOU FOR THIS.
I still feel what I feel, and will continue to feel what I feel until core issues get resolved. whether its medication or therapy or actually being able to sit down with people and legitimately explain what is causing pain.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/
I've always wanted to have Borderline Personality Disorder.
This is the reason that BYU therapy services are telling me I'm beyond their help. Based on questions they asked, and my evaluation of my life and things that are happening they have unofficially diagnosed me with BPD. And recommend that I come take a psychiatric evaluation to get a legitimate diagnosis.
Which leads me to the question, will I actually ever find someone who understands?
Why couldn't I be born normal, and have a normal life. and a normal family and see the world in a normal fashion, and learn about friendships in the normal way?
I cannot adequately express the pain I feel at being so broken and alone in my views of life. And how disconnected I am from the rest of the world.
I am going to combine this post with the other post I was writing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dealing with people who have mental disabilities is a whole other ballpark for people who don't have them.
And while the idea that they have a disability shouldn't be used as an excuse for behavior, its more just a statement that they are going to see the world differently than you are. They are going to interpret things differently than you are.
Telling them they're wrong for interpreting things the way the are causes pain to them. Especially if they're suffering from lack of acceptance.
Pretend for the sake of things, that you see the world as blue. Everything is blue. And for the sake of argument, whether you believe the mental distress phenomenon or not, that you come across someone who sees the world in Red.
You can tell them over and over that the world is blue, and they won't understand it. In fact, it'll confuse them. And if you tell them they're wrong for seeing the world as red. And you can spend all this time trying to convince them that their world is not red. And still later, because they still perceive blue as their world, you get mad because you've spent all this time trying to help them 'fit in' and 'be normal' and 'be like you' and 'see the way you are right' BUT IT STILL DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE STILL SEEING THE COLOR RED! IT DOESN'T CHANGE HOW THEY FEEL! Just because you see the solution doesn't mean that they do.
and if they come to you and say, "i wish you could see how I see." "I see this and it makes me sad" or "i see this and i feel this." and you respond with, "well, I've tried all this time to show you the world is actually blue, if you would JUST LISTEN TO ME YOU'D SEE THIS!" Confuses them even more, because they are alone in seeing the world as green, and as they tried to gain some understanding....
The only way said red people can 'fit in' according to some, is to pretend like they see the world in blue. Which confuses them. In fact it causes pain. Cause they pretend that their perceptions aren't real, or aren't valid. Just to make other people feel better about the situation. Which leads to alot more damage than anything else.
Now. It might be possible for said red people to understand the blue world. and make connections. Or even go through surgery and therapy or medications that alter the perception. And that takes time. But regardless, The point remains the same.
Are you ready?
DO NOT TRY THE SAME METHODS TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO IS DIFFERENT THAT YOU WOULD USE ON SOMEONE WHO IS THE SAME!
And if you do: DO NOT GET MAD WHEN YOU DON'T GET THE DESIRED REACTION
Geez. More than once I have people say: We do this for you and this for you.
Recently I was told:
because it is clear to us (and others who have tried to help you) that you wouldn’t/shouldn’t feel that way if you took the blinders off and remembered that we (and many others) have been there for you and have sacrificed much in order to help you. And, in so doing, you would/should be showing gratitude, realizing you are not alone.Yes people have done lots for me. I have never said that they didn't.
BUT BY EXPRESSING THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH THE RESULTS OF YOUR ATTEMPTS TO HELP VIA *YOUR* METHODS... Repeat, *YOUR METHODS* you make the other person feel guilty about feeling anything in the first place. Which just complicates the issue.
Many people have, intentionally or not, made me feel guilty for feeling anything that I feel. Which makes me feel less and less accepted.
More and more people should be saying: "Why do you feel this way, what's the core issue, how can we help in the way you need" rather than "Lets cover everything up with nice things we do for you, and then because we do this, you can pretend like everything is all better. "
IT DOESN'T WORK.
Listen. To everyone who has helped me out there, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for providing food and support and being around me and giving me things and paying for things and hugging and whatever.
I THANK YOU AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOU FOR THIS.
I still feel what I feel, and will continue to feel what I feel until core issues get resolved. whether its medication or therapy or actually being able to sit down with people and legitimately explain what is causing pain.
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