Brain Dump

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Brain Dump


There is absolutely no organization to this post.  Its a brain dump. Please do not be offended by raw data coming out of my head.

It fascinates me how much Nathaniel and I talk about our ex's to each other.  I've only been in love once, and I typically refer to Cory, while he refers to Kate.  And our conversations are much like: "So one time Me and kate" or, "when cory and I dated"  and it comes up a lot.  And its really interesting, because there's no jealousy on the other party.  Usually people don't like to hear about happy things with other ex's, and I'm insanely curious, and he is just as much about me.  I see it as 'this person influenced him so much' and this person was special, that I want to know more about her. And I've heard enough to think, "We could be friends if we didn't have Nathaniel between us."  and Nathaniel? He's SO curious about Cory.  But then again, he's fascinated by people. And on top of the pain that he can see as I talk about him, I think I've managed to convince him that Cory is a good person, and that he's doing what's best for him, and not to take my side of the story as law.  And the best thing about Nathaniel, is he probably would have done that without me telling him to.

I spent a good amount of time with his family this weekend.  He's right. He's weird. But in a very endearing very loveable way, though I can certainly see why other people might think he's strange.  His interactions with his sister Michelle are SO full of love, it makes me jealous.  Of the interactions. I guess Thomas and I have similar interactions, but not as much. His whole family is awesome.  I wanted to just stay. Live. Be with. 

I.... want him.  

Yeah, that sounds possessive and selfish.

I still want him.   Muchly.

Every inch of his personality that appears I find attractive, or desired.  He has no flaws I've found as of yet that I'm not able to put up with.  He's pretty absent minded and forgetful, and you know what, why waste energy on getting irritated at that? * shrug *

I am curbing somethings to write right now. Probably cause I can't put it into words. Not yet.  I feel he's important.  For why exactly? I don't know.  I hope. But I don't expect.

No, we aren't in a relationship.  For his own reasons.  And they're good reasons.  Not worrying reasons.  I'm just impatient.  and can be terribly pessimistic at times.  This is just going very slow. (for good reason, again.) and according to Socorro, this is good, even though I want to just smush my face.

Too late.  * smushes face *

I guess I should get around to writing about the dates we've been on and plan to be on.

Blah.  


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