[Your Life, When Lack of Stress Causes Stress]

[Your Life, When Lack of Stress Causes Stress]

   3:44 PM       Laura

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Your life is perfect, but your brain is nuts, when you have to make up stress to make your self feel better about the lack of stress.

Here is how my life is going at this moment in time..  

School 

School is all set to go in the fall, less than a month and I start a non stop ride to my degree, which I've been desperate to do for a long time.  i had heard hints and rumors that my Grandfather may be taking care of my tuition for me, which makes my financial burden all but nonexistant, and last night this was confirmed.   Paying tithing helps guys! I've gotten a graduation plan, and everything all laid out for study abroad in Russia, and hopefully Summer internships as Security Consultant, Intelligence Analyst, or even something at the NSA. 

Job

I quit my current job at the end of the week, to pick up a job on campus.  This a was a long standing key piece of my master puzzle that at last fell into place.  In order for me to get this degree, I'll need a job to work around my weird schedule of classes.  To avoid travel issues, this had to bt) e a campus job.  In order for this also to be flexible, this had to not be a food job, or a custodial job, the job had to have flexible hours.  

I was offered a job on the spot during my interview on campus.  I'm now a technician, and my school schedule was given and approved so i work right around it. 

Disorder:

So, I gave myself 6 months.  6 months away from everyone where I regained myself.  My sense of self wasn't pulled from any person.  I made my own choices, and hung out with myself.  I made my own opinions.  And when faced with a chance to conform to keep a friend, I didn't. and I still kept my friend.  

So I'm not fighitng my disorder on a regular basis.  I'm not worrying about finances.  I'm not worrying about school (yet).  My weight is healthy.  I have a stable job set up.  I have a vacation coming up for Pax and Oregon.  I'm not worrying about my friends cause I detached my emotional attachment.  

So... I'm used to having stress, that not having it is uncomfortable.  Because my mind is free to do other things.  

So, now what? 

I guess, I've been waiting for so long for things to go right, that i'm a little skeptical of when it actually is going right.   But i've also noticed that I'm prone to creating more drama or over exaggerating when things go wrong to get myself back to the level of cortisol I'm used to.

In a sense, I guess I feel a need to create my own nightmares, instead of waiting for them.

Rawr.