Pet Peeves
I have lots of peeves. Most of the time I'm good at realizing that things happen and I don't let the peeves bother me for very long. But there are a couple unforgivable peeves that will set me off. This is my rant. And my peeves.
Pet Peeve #1: Rudeness while someone is sleeping
IF SOMEONE IS SLEEPING IN THE ROOM, FOR GOODNESS SAKES BE QUIET!
More than once I'll fall asleep in my parent's living room and people will come in and start playing the piano, or I would sleep on a couch, and people would wander in loud (which is forgivable, they didn't know) see me sleeping, and then not take the volume down.
Pisses me off to high heaven.
OMG.
Pet Peeve #2: Saying something and then not doing it.
This one causes borderline reactions. I *have* to rely on truth and word of others to survive. I *have* to trust. If I trust, I can put it and every potential rejection out of my mind. And every time I trust and it doesn't happen, its a betrayal.
On the other side, if you lead someone to wait, or inconvenience them because of something you said and didn't follow through on, that's totally unfair.
And last, if you can't do something, just say no. If you can't do it, DON'T SAY IT!
Now, there are a couple scenarios for this. Here's an example situation. One that seems to continue to happen again and again.
Something is said, and plans are made.
Example 1: "I'll be there in a bit, hold on." Which leads me to put a hold on my time waiting.
Example 2: "OMG, you haven't seen [movie]? Next wednesday we watch it you can see it with us." - Which leads the expectation that once certain conditions, "Next wednesday when they watch it" are met, I would be joining in.
Scenario Types:
0: Say it but not mean it:
Sure sure, I'm goiing to say what I'm saying to get you to not ask, and plan on doing it without you anyway.
1. Say it, can't follow through, and tell me ahead of time - PERFECT
"Oh, I'm sorry, I told you I'd be there in a bit, but I'm stuck in traffic, here's my ETA."
"Hey, I can't be there when I said, don't wait, I'll let you know when I'm close, start without me"
"Hey, I know I said you could watch this with us tonight, but we actually can't watch it anymore, lets reschedule"
"Hey, I know i said you could watch this, but I have to cancel your appearance here tonight, but I feel bad and lets watch it again friday." - even though I get cut out, someone actually cared to tell me about this, and reschedule with me showing they genuinely felt bad, and it'd suck but I'd be okay with this.
2. Say it, Didn't follow through, and when reminded, cared.
Me: Weren't you going to be here 2 hours ago? We were waiting to start the movie/we didn't do anything else while waiting cause we didn't know when you were going to show up.
Them: I'm so sorry, I know. That sucked, thanks for waiting, I'll be right there
Me: Remember when we were going to watch this tonight, and you're kinda watching it without me?
Them: Oh, Something occured and you can't come, but lets reschedule. We will still fulfill what we said. - again, still better than no response.
3. Say it, didn't follow through, and when reminded, get pissed off, and not care about your word at all
Hey, remember when you said this?
Why does it matter, we're still doing it without you. Deal with it,
This scenario happens the most. And it causes betrayals of trust and rejections. Borderline.
Instead of apologizing and realize that YOU caused the situation that someone else is stuck in, (expectations, lost time.. etc) people tend to get mad that someone calls them on something they promised, or said earlier, especially when they change their minds and no one was alerted. Many a movie night and game night had this happen, and when I said, "hey, that's unfair" i got yelled at.
Again, I *have* to rely on trust and continual trust and reliability to survive.
And each time it happens, I die.
Anyways, Those are the 2 biggest, and its totally 3 am.
Thus, sleep time now.
7 thoughts :
Flakes are flakes are flakes.
This is why many times in life, you just need to find new people instead of trying to change people. People don't want to change. It's painful. Their flakiness works for them ENOUGH of the time that they don't feel the need to. Case in point, you are still friends with them :) If enough friends left, maybe they'd go, Gee, this flakiness thing really bites, huh?
I have a friend from high school who I was once really close with. She was a constant flake. I still tried to maintain that bond, invited her to tons of things, stayed in touch. Then she didn't come to my bridal shower, my luncheon, or my wedding for no better reason than she "didn't feel well" on all of those days at completely different times. At that point, enough was enough. I just stopped contacting her or responding to contact.
She practically fell over herself inviting me to HER wedding a year later...did you think I went? (Answer is no.) I finally decided that her flakiness just wasn't worth my time and effort anymore. And I'm happier without that lopsided relationship. I have good memories from high school, but for my life right now, keeping a relationship with her is too much negative for very little positive.
You can "move on" from friends without it being a huge void in your life. You don't hate them, but you want more responsibility and loyalty and they just want to do whatever. You will always feel cheated and they will always feel pressured. There are responsible friends out there, they're just harder to find because they're busy with all the commitments they're loyal to already :) It's the lazy flakes that always have free time to hang out.
P.S. Sometimes you flake too. And don't even let me know or give me a reason why. Think really hard and I'm sure you can remember. ;)
And yes, sometimes the same person can be completely non-flaky with certain people and completely flaky with you. It does hurt. But it shows who they truly value. I wouldn't waste my time trying to gain their approval. It's a losing battle.
i think this rant isnt about your peeves so much as you wanting to brain dump (again) about your trust/betrayal issues. evidence: your first peeve took maybe 10% of this post, if that.
what you really wanted to talk about (i repeat /again/) is how youre so mistreated by all these bad people and how sick of them and their ways you are. right?
i think the commentators about me really sum it up. move on. youre flaky too. dont fight for their approval.
so since you get to repeat yourself, im going to repeat myself:
stop battling to force yourself into these peoples lives when youre not their priority. you cant suddenly make yourself important to people. you are or you arent and its something they decide for themselves. and if you dont make the cut, suck it up, then keep going. telling them youre important and that they should know it doesnt help your case.
Actually, it was a different person for each pet peeve. And.I had a list of all of them I was going to do but got distracted at pax to finish it.
If this was a post about mistreatment then it was a post about everyon in the world because I keep running into it with everyone.
"These people" were not "these people" because I stopped battling to force myself in to the lives of "these people" at least 2 months ago. Try asking "these people"
The reason the post came up was because I had 3 others at pax that did it to me 2 of which I hadn't met previous to being in Seattle and the post was a long time coming.
The other pet peeves that came up in Seattle were: snoring, blatent disregard for other peoples property, and unwarranted touching.
That's just as far as I got before I got tired
And the first eeve took 10 percent because its my.number one peeve. And I was doing it in order
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