Success
Guys. I succeeded. Thought processes assessed, and mindfullness happened.
James pulled away. He hung out with me for 2 days and decided that was too close for a break up. (He's still getting over it.) So, he abruptly stopped talking to me, canceled plans... etc.
TO A BORDERLINE, THAT MEANS YOU HATE THEM AND YOU'RE ABANDONING THEM.
in fact, we freak and think its all our fault and have to assess every behavior to figure out what happened then go to frantic and great lengths to make it right. Such is our plight.
TO A BORDERLINE LIKE MYSELF WHO CONSISTENTLY DOES STUFF FOR OTHERS OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART, it literally does a "But I did this, how is it possible they're doing this!?" and does one of 2 options.
1. OMG I MUST BUY ALL THE THINGS AND HELP HIM AND MAKE HIM HAPPY AND HE WILL LIKE HIM.
or
2. OMG HOW COULD HE DO THIS?! I FEEL... I FEEELLLLL TOOOOOO MUCCCCCCCCH. I MUST YELL AT HIM TO TELL HIM THIS SO THAT HE REALIZES HE WAS BAD AND THEN WILL FIX THE EMOTION.
Logically, as I look back to last year, when I felt Cory 'abandoning' me, it led to me marching over to his house in a psychotic episode consumed by emotion trying to communicate in some form I needed his help to release the emotion. "Hi, you catalyzed and emotion and I'm afraid of you right now, please tell me everything is fine between us or will be and I will be better." Translated into: "DO YOU KNOW HOW HORRIBLE YOU ARE FOR DOING THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU? AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE, I MUST YELL AT YOU CONTINUOUSLY IN HOPES YOU WILL REALIZE I NEED YOU TO SAY THE WORDS "Its okay, I'm not leaving" AND THEN I'LL BE FINE.
Obviously... this method.... didn't work so well.
So today I was left with those 2 options, especially since I panicked ALLLLLL NIGGGGGHTTTTT LOOONG. OMG. He promised me he was sticking around to help me and then was disappearing again. SUCH PANIC!
Me: Can I speak to you? It will take 2 minutes.
James: Alright.
Me: I've been following your lead. We hung out for several hours talking about my insides and then hung out the next day for several hours having fun playing video games. Then you have disappeared, and practically refused to interact with me on any level without any hint that its happening, leading me to believe our plans TODAY have been cancelled as well. Now, If you are having awkwardness with our breakup still, that's fine. If you need space that's fine. But when you decide to go on your Twilight-y Edward Emotional Rollercoaster of hot and cold, you don't drag a borderline with you. In the future, just let me know when you need to stop being warm and fuzzy and have to be cold for a while. And make sure that you tell me that you'll be back. Because otherwise, I assume its my fault when you disappear, and you know I don't handle abandonments or percieved abandonments well.
James: *Thinks* Alright. That makes sense. I'll try to be more vocal about my interactions with you to help you not freak out. I need to be cold for a bit, but I'll be back, okay?
Me: Okay. *whistles back to my car*
GUYS HE UNDERSTOOD ME!
GUYS HE UNDERSTOOD ME!
PROBLEM SOLVED! Except for the fact that I can't whistle. That's a different problem.
2 thoughts :
i dont buy it.
You don't buy what?
Post a Comment