[Probably Digging My Own Grave]
Here is one of the letters I wish I could write... and I'm probably digging my own grave.
Dear Natalia,
How are you? How's the weather in Texas? Are you enjoying your job? [Insert other courteous stuff here ]
Yes, I know you follow my blog. I know you lied to my ex boyfriend several times about how you had never once before been to my blog. (See follower number 28, called Gods_child794, which if you google that name, you will find a facebook group created by you, and well, you have since then taken it down, your xanga... which multiple people have looked at and left due to 'seizure-like' reactions. ) While I have known for some time that you followed my blog, (due to the sheer number of people who tell me you like to copy my blog posts... or things I do.. a.k.a Vlog.... ) I have continued to write pretending you don't exist. I mean, you told Cory that you didn't care about me, and yet, you have my RSS feed... And, I'm not going to write my posts around you or your feelings. (since you don't seem to care about mine..)
I personally don't care that you read my blog... the more hits the merrier. I think its kind of funny that you read the blog, and go write about it on yours... (again, being told from sources... I don't care to read spastic blogs.. they make my head hurt) What ever you think I missed out on, I don't know. I have since found out that half the lines he used on me, about how I was his best friend ever, and how he told his dad on the phone he wanted to marry me... he used on every other girl he ever dated...(and the girls he made out with while he was trying to date others...) (did he mention that he was dating someone, who was a full time EFY counselor, so he never saw her, at the same time trying to ask a co worker out, and spending most of his free time with me? Then when he dropped the efy counselor for the coworker, he hung out with me more than her, flirting with me and keeping her secret for months? She wasn't happy when she found out I existed either.. I wonder what he's doing while you're gone..... Said coworker was the one who asked him the paraplegic question in the missed bullet post. ... when he was getting serious with her... )
I once believed he was my friend, and he was worth everything I could ever do. I bought many things for him... especially when he was sad, or especially when the relationship went sour. It wouldn't surprise me if he still had them.... A Nintendo DS, the giant penguin on his bed named Butt.. the giant Vampire 3d poster on the wall. Just to name a few. I even volunteered to pay for his portion of the trip to the bahamas which, up until January, we would be on today. I spent so much of my time trying to make him happy that mentally, I convinced myself that was the only way *I* could be happy. And that set on paranoia and everything else afterwards.
I don't care if you have him. I actually at this point, don't even care if I ever see him again. I think It'd be cool to have the friendship I had with him, for 4 years.. Which we were friends... but I'm not sure I'd ever trust him again.
"" I honestly don't think that dating anymore is a good idea. I feel like that it's created this tension between us that's led to something almost on the level of avoidance, which is really not something that I want.
It's totally interfered with what I think was a good friendship and I feel like I've lost a good friend who I've had for pretty much as long as I've been here. I'm not sure exactly why it's happened, and I'm not going to venture or guess or whatnot about it.
I know that you told me beforehand, and yeah, I probably should've just listened to you.
I just know that I want my friend back." - Cory Grant, January 14th, 2009"
I don't care! I don't know why you think I care so much. This post, is specifically because I have people who follow your blog.. and come back to me going.. "Who is this girl, and why would he date her?" and I frankly, want to not hear your name again. Its hard enough seeing your IP pop up every now and then. You have been labeled by anyone who has come across your stuff (I.e. blog, youtube account.. etc.) as the following: Boring, Spastic, Childish, Immature, Abusive, and Controlling. Which is great. You'll fit along with him.
What I would have missed out on, had I been friends with Cory still, is my friendship with Danny and Chris, who, through confirmation, I know where exactly I'm supposed to be. With them, not him. You can keep him. I don't want him. And, frankly, like the other exes who have come before me, wouldn't recommend him. If he's changed, that's great, but every relationship has fallen apart because he does the exact same things...
I do wish him the happiness in the world, but frankly, at this moment, I fear for his sanity. I guess, my freaking out about losing my best friend, made you think you had an amazing catch, and that you are so special to have it. Its him who lost something when we separated, considering he never did anything for me.
We have mutual friends. Alyse, who was right there during my breakup and heard me cry, and was my next door neighbor, is a friend of yours too, who agrees with me, if you'd get over yourself, we'd actually be pretty cool friends. But, you stalk the blog of your boyfriend's ex girlfriend , looking for any sign of him. And when you did, while reading the missing bullet post, you HAD to physically come on to the blog to read the comments. Which, I caught your IP as you did so. I'm not going to block you. You have the freedom to see anything you want... and if you are insecure enough that you need to find everything wrong with his ex (i.e. my 'exaggerated, dramatically written crap', so be it.
You'll probably be the one he marries., There's a trend between me and him. Every boy I've ever dated, marries the next girl they date afterwards, and the same goes with him. I'm to the point where I'll probably be happy with anyone other than him. The only way to get over one you loved so much, is to turn the love to hate... or to forgive. He chose to turn it to hate, I chose to forgive.
I'd like to point out that any comment you choose to make on this blog, will be recorded, and many people will see, yet again, how childish your remarks will be. I'll admit right now, that this probably isn't the most mature of my own posts, but since I don't whine on my blog about everything wrong in the world, (and how stupid your boyfriend's ex is....) ... i'm ok with this 1. (P.S. You're chinese and japanese comment problem will be fixed if you turn on comment moderation... (it adds the word code verification on it.) just a tip from a fellow blogger.)
Now. All that being said. You are beautiful. And You play the piano. (that alone has alot going for you) You're smart. You write music, and want to be a culinary arts major. You're extremely unique. You have freckles which i'm jealous of. I wish you all the best. But, I would seriously appreciate if you stopped talking behind MY back, as I have never done so before to you. The only person around here with out a pre-judged opinion of you.. is me. And that's because the 2 times you've talked to me, were 1. in defense of someone you love, which I can understand, and 2. because you just haven't learned yet that that's not nice. Like I said, if you wanted to turn over a new leaf, I've told many people that I'd love to be friends with you.
In the future however, calling me a hoe-bag, because I wrote about something my ex said once upon a time... doesn't score you points with alot of people.. just saying. I'm glad you want to marry him... I remember feeling that way too, and so does every girl who ever dated him...
Hope life is good.. yadda yadda. [Insert whatever else needs to be put in a letter here]
Sincerely,
Laura
P.S. I hope he's not taking you down a path you don't want to go. Remember the temple. Its your ultimate goal.
p.p.s. People ask me for your blog. I tell them the steps to go there, as I've been once, back in february, and vowed never to go again. I stay away from your twitter, and your blog. And as much as you'd like to say i've been there, its not true...
P.P.Ps. I turned the comments off.. not from you, you know how to get ahold of me, but for all the others who so far have felt the need to cheer me on.
Now. Back to normal life!
p.p.s. People ask me for your blog. I tell them the steps to go there, as I've been once, back in february, and vowed never to go again. I stay away from your twitter, and your blog. And as much as you'd like to say i've been there, its not true...
P.P.Ps. I turned the comments off.. not from you, you know how to get ahold of me, but for all the others who so far have felt the need to cheer me on.
Now. Back to normal life!
