[Something Better]

[Something Better]

   11:25 AM       Laura

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Yesterday, I performed a musical number.  (I have a recording, and it will be uploaded when I get home and extract it from the iphone... )  After Danny and I performed Book of Mormon Stories, we both got a message from Pono telling us she had an amazing musical number she wanted to do.  She plays the Cello btw.  Its a Come Thou Fount piece.  Danny didn't want to sing it. So Pono and I rearranged it to pass the melody between us on top of what we were already playing... and IT.WAS.INCREDIBLE.   Granted, it was my 2nd big musical number in 2 weeks. Jillian came... AND stephanie... (that was a big and pleasant surprise.)



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Text message conversation:
Laura: [insert other irrelevant conversation pieces here] ... I'm comfortable around you and Chris.  I can be myself with no worries.  Its everyone else in the world I'm not comfortable with.
Danny: Why is that?
Laura: Haha. I've been betrayed. Its not something you get over easily.  You totally see my paranoia pop up ever now and then with you and Chris.
Danny: Yeah, because of an experience with him?
Laura: Multiple people.  Him specifically. If your best friend can leave, what's to stop anyone else.
Danny: Um, it depends on who your best friend was... Chris and I aren't like that. We don't leave people.
Laura: I could argue the statement (not you).


And I can.  I've had so many people say the same thing: "I'll never leave you like he/they did"  and then they left.  People who have been my friend for years...


The next time I saw Danny, after this post, I brought it up.  Chris and I were laying on his bedroom floor, and he had just leaped and did a flip on to his bed causing me to laugh hysterically.  I sat up and he popped his head over the side of his bed so I was looking up at him.  (His bed sits on Cinderblocks) And I said:


Laura: "Like I said in the text... (then I repeated the previous statement) I've had so many people say the same thing: "I'll never leave you like he/they did"  and then they left.  People who have been my friend for years...   People who say: I'm not like that, and yet they were.   

Danny: But,  am *i* really like that?


The look on his face, coupled with a feeling that became intensified for a split moment, pretty much confirmed, that I will ALWAYS have a friend with Danny. No matter what... I never have to worry about being alone anymore.

(background note:  Danny showed me this on Saturday.  Its a Mad TV skit, where this girl comes in to a therapy office, and the therapist says: ... well.. STOP IT!)  



So, back to the musical number.  Chris didn't show up for the musical number.. again.  And I, even though there was severe elation in regards to the almost perfectness of the musical number, was really really hurt.   And I remember going off about Chris, and seeing my pain reflected in Danny's eyes.  I was going to try and skip Relief Society.  I was so irritated.  I sat in the foyer outside priesthood session, and listened to them sing, and watched all the boys file out.  I was behind the open door, so I wasn't easily visible, and I watched Danny take a couple steps, then turn around and look at me, like he knew I was there. 


What are you doing? he asked.
Sitting, brooding.......  I replied.
Why?
I just, I'm mad, and I don't want to take that into Relief Society, i'd be a distraction.
Oh.  Ok. Well.. have fun brooding.


I totally saw the disappointment in his eyes, as he backed away to the class room.  And that spiked something in me.  I leaned forward. 

Laura: "Well, now I feel severely Chastised now. "
*slight grin* Why?
Laura: Its almost like you're like.. well have fun doing something you know is not fun at all. Have fun doing something you shouldn't be doing, cause you're supposed to be in relief society.  Have fun being mad at the world when you should just STOP IT! There's no reason to be mad...  and you know what? I'm going to relief society.
I proceeded to pick up my stuff and stand up.  Danny had one of those, I'm so proud of myself looks on his face, and said.. "yeah.. you should go, cause sometimes, the lesson is exactly what you need to hear"


So I went, and the lesson wasn't really about anything I needed to hear.. but I remember having this thought.


Once upon a time, my prayerful pleas included statements like: "I know you have something for me to learn, but why did you have to take my best friend away in the process.  Why could I not keep him?"
And yes, I can see that I've made more progress through this trial, then I ever have in my life.  But, I always wondered why my prize for completing my test, couldn't be the return of my best friend.  But I realized, my prize was 10 times better.  Its almost like Heavenly Father said: "I know you're going to lose something really really close to you, but you need to, in order to learn, but it won't be in vain, I'll give you something better"  And its true.  I did get something better.  Not that Danny is more of a good person that others, but for me, and how he handles me, he's better for me.  Cory will be a better friend for someone else out there. My time with him is done.


and who knows, maybe the prize hasn't really come yet.


So. The lesson I learned.  I sat outside my apartment with Danny after church arguing and finding ways to try and be mad at Chris, and decided, very quickly, that it wasn't worth it to remain angry.  Cause if I confronted him, then it would erupt into a fight. Then it would end up with us not talking for a couple days, and I would sacrifice extremely fun times with him, because he just decided not to come.  It wasn't worth it.  So i went over there, and we had fun.   It was a good trade off, I think.


^__^


For those of you who read these, thanks for putting up with me, while I figure out life.  I hope the lessons I learn, and the things I post, help you too.