So much for that happy post.

So much for that happy post.

   2:20 PM       Laura

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This is a kind of sad story, of someone I once knew,

Of one who really held my heart, with feelings that seemed true.

You wooed me off and on, for many many years,

and finally when I turned around, you told me of your fears.

You thought that I would leave you, you dreamed of it and more,

that if you did not keep me, i'd be gone and out the door.

I remember early days, when things were safe and sound,

when eyes lit up, when I show up, you desired me around.

You needed me, held on to me, "I just want to hold you"'s what you said.

Whatever magic was present there, is now long gone and dead.

Somedays you'd come behind me and Whisper secrets in my ear.

"My heart is yours," and "you're all mine" is what i long to hear.

You broke the rules to keep me near, and kept my soul alight

With surprises like some flowers, and activities every night.

You wanted me, you held me close, and told me that you cared

You did this often, you did it alot, now you tell me that you erred.

"that's not my way!", "its way too hard" "it doesn't come naturally"

If that's the case (it didn't seem that way) you at least tried for me.

I have known you a long long time, that's not the way you've been,

you talked to me, and wanted me, and i knew over and over again.

I remember times you came, to my apartment late at night,

just to spend some time with me, you needed me, that's right.

I'm not yarning, comparing you now, to The last 4 years of life,

Things are different, you have changed, as sharply as a knife.

You told me that you loved me, at least a while ago you did,

You cannot do it with out my help, cause now you've gone and hid.

You wanted me for years, and years, when you got me you overjoyed.

Is that not the case no more? Am I now just your playful toy?

You WANTED ME! i know you did, the prize you wanted more,

than any girl you ever had, the kiss i got was pure.

What happen to it all, did it all just go away?

"you got me now, haha, that's great, now you just get to play."

I'm tired of being hurt, and being pushed away,

it happens more and more, it happenes every day.

Giving you the attention that i yearn, when you don't give it back?

Pushing all this effort in and picking up your slack.

You seem to not want my kisses or the affections that i give,

and when it happens again and again, its hard to forgive.

I tell you that I love you, you return it, sort of, sometimes you do,

I'm scared that you are done with me, that you want something new.

I went all day without you, dreaming you were there,

I missed you much, and when we talked, you really didn't care.

I tell you "you look great" that i love the way you look,

you laugh, haha, and turn away the effort that i took,

to tell you how I love you, and want to keep you close,

you grate upon your self esteem,"I'm fat", "don't touch" and "I look gross"

I would not say these to you, if i didn't deem them deserved

and even if they were not there, my purpose would be served.

To comfort you when things get rough, to be support for you,

when bad days come and knock you down,you push away and out of view.

I see these things i want from you, when our friends come to play,

your humor, your friendliness, your smile, your desire to make them stay

You text, you chat, you tell the world, through internet and stuff,

the things i want to hear from you, the good things and the tough.

When you were sad, you ignored my tries, to hold and give you cheer.

"i'm just fine, don't worry" and pushed me away, and tried hard to appear,

that you didn't need or want me, it hurt me more and more.

And every time it happens it makes things seem sure.

That now those fears that you once had, have come to light again.

If things don't fix, you'll lose me, and this will happen when,

Someone else can come along and give me what i need,

to feel secure and loved, don't do this to me i plead.

I want you, i need you, i'm trying to fix this all,

With out you, i'm nothing, the world's so very small.

So now i'm changing, giving you, the change you gave to me,

You'll see me less, be near me less, to see if this was meant to be.

I've tried many times, to wean me off your touch

to leave, and wander by myself, its hard and just too much.

Now this time as it WILL work, i'll find more things to do,

get more friends, fine other things, then spend time with you.

I've started already today, i've completely left you alone,

and more than once I wandered by, my cover almost blown.

You've wandered past oblivious, not a breath was spent for me.

have you noticed or even cared that i have disappeared

I've ignored you for hours, hoping you will come say hi,

I stay here, hoping that you'll come, while leaving me to die.

You can go for days with out me, you don't need me much

cause you can apparently easily find, substiutions to my touch.

I used to make you shiver, make you long to have me near,

and i'm hoping that will occur again, by bringing up your fear.

I do not do things for you no more, when others do my need,

they tell me what i need to hear, my self esteem they do feed.

They talk about how good i look, they call me by my name,

They tell me i'm amazing, and i hope you'll do the same,

and when you don't it hurts so much, it hurts. . . . .

It hurts that other people go out of their way, to tell me how pretty i look,

or how fun i am or how happy that i'm there, they leave me notes, they flirt.

They want me to be with them, they want to do more than just game or watch movies.

they renew my sense of adventure and talk and if they could touch, i know they would.

When my own boyfriend can't even say I love you, 3 words, or sound happy when i talk or

look excited when i come over.

It hurts so much, i cry with tears, when others see my pain,

and tell me to break up and leave, it'll never be the same.

YOU WANTED ME I KNOW YOU DID, you wanted me so much

you wanted me around, you wanted me to touch.

So I'm removing that specialness, in hopes that you will see

just how much you need me, and how you want things to be.

This will not last forever, if things don't change. I deserve better.

You came to see me! as i sent this to print, and now i can rejoice,

that maybe this will work after all, that i will have a choice.

You touched my arm and kissed my cheek, you came while on a call,

and that little move has sent me to tears, its possible after all.