1:43 PM       Laura

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He wants his hair long enough to pull back. hmmmmm. Strange.  But that's the way he wants it.

Patrick: sometimes guys are like dogs, it just takes a little training
Laura: I'm not going to train him, and change who he wants to be. This is just going to lead to problems in the future when i start finding him unattractive.

* sigh *

I've mentioned several things about him that i really like. I like the cologne thing, ( "i never used to wear cologne"), his glasses, his shorts... etc. His hair. Its messy. I have lots of pictures of him that i love looking at, due to his hair. Its messy, and grungy, and he's not even thinking about cutting it. He's becoming more and more not attractive.

I still feel like I’m losing him, or that he doesn't love me as much as i love him. All week end, I would nudge, be playful, kiss, tell him i love him, play with his hair, play with his back.... and i never really got anything reciprocated.... until, I ended up sitting around in a camisole, and that got his attention. It was really sad. His status "I'd rather be gaming" seemed to really apply. I didn't want to 'get physical' with him as much as i wanted to just be with him.

picture this.

You poke your boyfriend. Or say something witty. He turns with an incredulous face like "did you really just do that?" You smile/giggle. He says "you're such a dork" then he pounces. pinning you down while he tickles you or nuzzles your neck, making you laugh out loud. then he says in your ear "but you're my dork, and I love you"

oh.. it makes me smile.

I've mentioned that I like to have him touch me

I've mentioned that I like to have him talk about random stuff with me

I've mentioned that I like to hear my name

I've mentioned that I like to hear about his day
I've mentioned that I like to see him wear his glasses
I've mentioned that I like his hair the way it is
I've mentioned that I do like prep style clothes (though I'm not expecting him to completely change that)
I've mentioned that I like when he wears shorts
I've mentioned that i like his hair when i see it in the morning before he showers (its poofy :) )
I've mentioned that I like when guys wear cologne. Let alone my favorite smell, (which he has, but never wears)
I've mentioned that I like when he whispers in my ear
I've mentioned that I like when he surprises me with kisses or with hugs.. (he still kind of does that)

I've mentioned that I like compliments.

I've noticed that his random stuff and things about his day are found on twitter or in conversations with stephanie.
I've noticed that he doesn't listen to me concerning his hair, or the things i find attractive about him.
I've noticed that he still doesn't say my name, and hasn't recently whispered in my ear how much he loves me. ( he used to do that all the time in his deep voice because he liked watching me shiver. )
I've noticed that i don't get an 'i love you so much' unless i say it first, and even then, only sometimes
I've noticed that he only gets clingy and tells me how much he loves me very emotionally, if i leave him for a couple hours, or seem like i want to leave. (like after that fight that lead to my sister's house. Apparently he started crying when my sister wouldn't let him see me.)
I've noticed that he bought cologne, but never wears it.

I've noticed that he never says anything about my appearance... (i've heard him tell me that i'm beautiful 3 times. Even when I say I look cute, I never get anything back. Even when I work hard on my appearance I NEVER get compliments. EVER.)

I've noticed I don't get 'nose kisses' any more. ("Congratulations, you get a nose kiss." "for what?" "for being beautiful", or "for figuring it out", or "for being amazing".

I've noticed there's no more quotes being put down for our quote board because we don't talk anymore.

I've noticed there's no more inside jokes being created for us to laugh at.

Its like he either is taking me for granted, or its a..."i got her, i don't have to work on keeping her. and only if she's leaving do i freak out... cause that's not how its supposed to go once she says she loves me."

I don't get it.

Yes I'm ranting. No this doesn't happen all the time. I mean we took a nap on the 4th, and he crawled up next to me and put his arm around me. Is that habit? Back to my earlier paragraph where i kept trying to engage him in conversation and stuffs... it didn't work. I'd curl up next to him hoping he'd hold on to me, and hug me tightly like he used to but.. * shrug * Am I boring him? I try and show him pictures that i'm proud of from my photoshoots and I know he's not interested. Did he lose interest with me? Am i too rambunctious? am i not adequate? He seems to have fun talking to steph. And she has no qualms talking to him. But I could be looking into that deeper than I might. Then again, he gets cranky when i get ahold of his phone. ( which he didn't use to. What's he hiding? ) I... he, has a history of switching from girl to girl. and I'm scared to death. So, scared in fact that i've been trying to score points with him. every time i see him, I play with his hair ( cause i know he likes that) or i scratch his back.

I guess i'm just frustrated that he's different now than he was when he first started dating, which is making me believe that he's losing interest or has fallen out of love with me. Maybe a break would be a good idea. :( I've be come slightly clingy, and i guess i wish he was still as clingy as he was back when we first started dating.

My roommate just got engaged. He's always playing with her hair, and acting like she's the most important thing ever. Always is nearby. He brings her flowers, and when they die, he brings more over when she's not home and surprises her.

Cory surprised me with flowers once. It was a particularly bad day, and i went down to my car to find that there was a bunch of flowers waiting for me.

Or when he was leaving for hawaii, before we started dating. He left a rose in my car. It made me smile.

I miss the old cory i knew. I don't want him to change. Its sad. I was upset the other day, and cory gave me a hug. It was enough to make me cry cause i was so surprised that he did that. I just went over to visit him, and he reached around to touch my leg, and the gentleness and the fact he was doing that made me cry.