New Updates....
So I've recovered this password. Wow... I totally forgot that I saved it on this computer. Wow. So its been like 6 months since I've last updated it. I have another blog... and I'll use both. http://spaces.msn.com/members/Kikastrophe/
So what have I been doing in the last 6 months... well. Ok. I started 2 independent study classes from byu, Physics 121, and English 115. I continued freelancing with 3d models, and actually created a couple for the quake engine. They're fairy like. But I never got them converted. I started a joan of arc tutorial, and that's who I've been making, but not for a while because I haven't had any time.
Last year at orem high, they got rid of the Ballroom team because Shawn was leaving. They had made hundreds of dollars from fundraisers, and such and because there was no more team, they gave all the money to the Unified Studies students. And then we got a call from OHS saying that they were hiring 2 new coaches from byu. So with no experience in dancing, I made it onto the ballroom team. And we actually performed earlier in the month.
I started 8 classes in august and september. I had Band, Ballroom techniuqe, and seminary at the high school, Physics 123, Computer Science 235, and math 113 at byu, and Philosophy 2050 and English 2020 at UVSC. ANd I 'm taking my last byu final tomorrowh , and my uvsc final on saturday.
BYU came with its hardships, but that doesn't mean that I didn't like it. I enjoyed walking around on campus, and watching everyone... but this year my social activites were completely different then the rest of my life. For the first time since 4th grade, I actually felt ... well, I'll explain later.
So I was saying, BYU came with its hardships... including my passion for spending the money on my signature card in the cougar eat. My parents decided to get me a meal plan. So I started eating at the morris center by DT. My 4th time eating dinner there... was halloween. Here I was dressed up in a big purple poofy dress, and my hair is in curls... and I see someone from my physics class, and I sat with him... and then 'everyone else"came. Because I sat with him, my life has been changed. I met several people that night, one or two especially that have made a definate difference in the way that I view people, and interact with them.
Since that night, I practically have hung out with these guys almost everyday. And with tomorrow being the last day of the semester at byu, they all will be leaving. 3 of them will still be here next semester, and 2 will be leaving on their missions. One actually lives in northern Utah, so tomorrow won't be the last day I see him. But these people reached out, and made me feel welcome, and part of the group, and I've actually made more of an effort to make friends at the high school.
This semester at BYU also marked a huge change. I got my first major crush. I totally have had several little crushes, I mean, what girl doesn't. But this person was someone I had a little crush on, then decided that I didn't like him, and then realized that I really liked him. but it was a feeling that I've never had before. There is a deep caring for this guy, and curiosity, and desire just to sit in his presence and listen to him play the piano, tell his wonderful stories, or play chess. He makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world when he talks to me, or especially when he takes time out of his night to walk me to the bus stop at byu. He has a really good smile, and it makes me want to smile when he does it.
There have been several incidents, one most particualrly when I was changing depression medication. I was really emotional that night... But I basically told him that I wasn't going to see him anymore, because I kept making him lose his patience, and ranting about me, and how irritating I am. And then the next morning, I had to go talk to him and explain how I was very moody... and so on. And he forgot all about it.
One other incident... I don't know exactly what was wrong with him, but he kind of withdrew from society. I thought it was my fault... but then found out he was doing it to everyone. Well, I kept trying and trying, and got to the point that I was ready to give up talking to him, noticing him, cheering him ... etc. But, I couldn't give up. This person is the kind of person that if you did something drastic, like 'disown' them as your friend... you'd look back and go 'doh' I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I would give such a valuable resource of friendliness, support, advice, laughter, shoulders to cry on... " and you would regret it. He is very special.
But here's the little problem. He doesn't like me. I know he wants to be friends... but not anything more than that. I've watched him with other girls... and it saddens me by how much more fun he has. I feel jealousy, and bitterness. But I completely understand why other girls would like him... although my sister has yet to figure that one out :) She thinks he is as dry as a stick.
I just wish things could be different you know? like either I had gone to summer semester, and met them all earlier, or started eating at the morris center earlier in the semester... or paid more attention to my surroundings. Apparently my usual spot to sit while it was still warm, was directly in the pathway from the dorms to a building where 2 of these guys had class... technically, they saw me everyday. Its hard not to miss my bright yellow ballroom jacket. I also wish I could have lived in virginia... or something like that. Ok... Time to study for my philosophy and physics final. I have to write a paper for philosophy.
Ok NOTE TO SELF:
write about how heather met grant (you know what I mean)
Who everyone is
Classes
Band
Sterling Scholar
Tormenting math class
martins cove
remembering the prophet joseph
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