I spent the day yesterday with a friend. His girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him, and he had been forced from his mission due to a medical reason. I watching him try not to cry, and to work through stuff in his mind. I held his hand, and told him everything would be all right. I told him for the first little while, it hurts alot. Your stomach is always clenched, the things you once loved will hurt. I didn't play the piano for a month, and my camera sat in my car for 3 weeks... (then when it was moved from my car, I still didn't use it.) He killed zombies on the xbox, till grief took him, then he fell back and tried not to flip out again. I got more hugs yesterday then I have in a while. I watched as I found 1 person, ONE person, out of everyone else who I talked to who knew exactly what I was going through. Losing the one you thought you had for eternity. To lose what you thought your eternity would be. To lose what you wanted so desperately.. I knew what he was going through, and thought i could help him. I KNEW EXACTLY what he was thinking. How to get her back? What to do in the process? If it will work? What if it doesn't? How he didn't want eternity if he didn't have her. I let him sit and talk. Vent. Cry. Laugh. I did everything for him that I wished someone would do for me.
He will probably get his eternity back. Even now, his girlfriend seems to be trying to get him back. After she said no. After he spent the last couple days in grief.
I spent a freaking month in prayer and heartbreak, always hoping, wanting, caring. and even now I'm still dealing with the fact that I work with my ex, and he hates my guts... at least he feels the need to act like it.
He hit me yesterday. Struck out at me when I walked into his cubicle with a new hd camera that wasn't mine. Didn't care that he scared me so bad that i started to cry. He lashed out, hit the camera, which struck my neck with a ton of force, and I still caught it. His response? "no pictures" then he went back to work.
Yesterday, I was hurt badly by someone who calls me friend. Who dumps all this crap on me, blames me for every thing. So.. after yet ANOTHER fight to which he's complaining that he's jealous that I talk to other people, and not him... I tell my manager that I'm taking the rest of the day off.. he asks why... I explain lightly, and suddenly everything falls on me. If he wasn't upset, he is now... and other people are in trouble when they shouldn't be.
How does everything end up being my fault. I was told how much I disgust another friend of mine. That day I was in the process of a Break up, she stabs me 3 times with comments about how no one cares.. and then I strike back once.... and suddenly everything is all my fault. What.The.Crap. And that wasn't the first time she's done something like that. A lack of friendship scares me now. Once upon a time in high school i was detached and didn't have any friends. But now that I think i have them, I don't want to lose them. I had metaphorically been beaten and was on the ground and the school bully came and kicked me 3 times, then I struck back and suddenly I'm the bad guy. It ALWAYS happens. Somehow, drama always seems to associate itself with me. And I'm NOT the source. I take the brunt of it cause i get involved.
My phone is dead. So is my computer.
On a lighter note, my period started. (yes this is a weird topic.) However, I was not prepared. I ran over to a bunch of coworkers, and asked for a quarter, then proceeded to run to the bathroom where my quarter was eaten. after panicking for a second, i hit the machine, and noticed that the top of the machine was unlocked. The bottom lock was locked, but the top was not. I then proceeded to break into the machine. I can just imagine what I looked like. Lol.
I stayed the night at Xander's house 2 nights ago. Jill had me over to watch Dollhouse with her and her dad. Hannah made me these banana treats. She cuts up a banana, and smothers it in whipped cream, caramel, and chocolate sauce. Jill and I were then up till 2 am talking about everything. I got to put something in the family email... It was fun.
* sigh *
One week. That's all he had to suffer through, and he'll get his happy ending back. A week. A FREAKING WEEK. And no. I don't want to hear the crap about how everyone has different trials. And some last longer than others. It doesn't work. I've heard it before.
I hate my life. I'm happy for him.
FYI Laura, I never told you no one cared, I told you not to ruin a girl's night and that some people have their own lives to worry about without you adding your own drama to them.
ReplyDelete